When I’d be hated for the rest of my

When we met, you were wonderful. You were honest and full with life, I really wanted to be close with you. By the third date we were holding hands and the fourth, you know. At the beach, it was that night I fell in love with you and I will carry it with me always. It wasn’t generally always bad between us. I need you to make yourself remember that. Thank you for cooking and taking it as an interest since I preferred it. I remember when you made your first chowmein that tasted like feet but you were trying your best for me. You have been the greatest and the best love of my life, up to this point. But yet my biggest disappointment. Eventhough getting hurt and all the pain I was going through, there was growth. I learned that in life you need to have boundries, I learned my self-esteem was more than you would’ve allowed. I learned to love intensly so anyone can listen. I learned I must not wait to share my feelings or thoughts. I think I have a feeling a piece of me might dependably love you. Your unfaithfullness is now a steady wall between us. Thought you found shelter in me yet I’m the one caged. If I had ever treated you the way I was treated, I’d be hated for the rest of my life. Love’s not about time or space but about presence. However, thank you for your forgiveness, and your apologies. Thank you for really honoring what u actually felt at that time, also for to trusting ur own path. Thank you for being there for me and being a part of my life. Thank you for all the moments and laughter we spent together with eachother. Thank you for making your family a part of my chapter. Thank you for bearing my anger issues. I will keep you close my heart and really hopeful you’ll do likewise. I come out all clean today so I may leave. It is frustraring to me that this was the only way I could share my feeling with you, not knowing whether you will even read this, but rather I needed to give it one final shot. Your eyes to these words, and your mind back to what we used to be. I’m not furious at you for leaving me. I’m only here to say that the man you loved at some point in your life is here writing this message to you. I wish I had been given a chance to talk for some time with you to explain a few things. I forgave you for making me to feel like I wasn’t worthy of your love. I forgave you for humiliating me before my family and friends. I forgave you for making me and my heart broken into a million pieces. Not cos of I’m superior or better than you, neither because I’m good but because I’m not angry anymore.A year ago, in Dubai, one month before my birthday, you broke up with me. I didn’t comprehend what was wrong and you never gave a clear answer at whatever I’d message, I would be blocked as usual. In that time, I tried to come up with ways to work things out in our relationship with the help of Mehwish. Spending more time talking about our relationship in f-10 parking counseling or making you understand it wasn’t right whateve you did. When we got together and talked the day you broke up with me, you rejected each thought I had. You said there’s nothing that would fix things and you’d like to stay as a friend, our relationship was unfixable in your eyes and it wasn’t worth attempting. That was really sad for me. But always remember I never gave up on you. Whereas you have a habit of leaving me behind when I’m in need of someone. This happened again with no hopes.Do you remember years ago you would ask me if I would ever start loving you and that my biggest fear was committment. Yes, that was my fear but I just wanted you always be there for my bad times, for when I was weak or vulnerable. Just wanted you to help me when I was down, help me get on the right path if you thought I was going wrong and it has always been that way. Now, all I can see is you slipping further and further away. I’m over being furious with you since I know it is just a mask for how crushed I feel. You came into my life and started throwing yourself completely into my future. I didn’t need a relationship. I was so apprehensive at first. Yet, something about you appeared to be different. We got along all well, had our laughs together, talked always, and things appeared to move at such a fast pace, but what now?I just need you to remember and think back for a moment to the way you felt that night I last kissed you before you were going away. I can totally recall the way your hand felt in mine and how firmly we held it against eachother. You know I feel personally, that the easiest thing to say is that I’m over you but the real challenge is to actually look at them in the eye, hear their voice and then look at them right in the eye and say I dont actually want this. How many times we said we’ve enough and that’s it and never to see eachother, only to kiss and then try again? I feel pretty empty without ur presence sometimes. I have seen or felt the emotions that ran inside you. I always felt what was deep inside your heart. Your a lot more emotional than I can ever be and a woman’s feeling can be much deeper than a man’s and you are no different. You just taught me how I could ever care about someone so much in my life. I miss your weird ways and the way you attempt to lick my face, clean the corner of my eye each day or press my nose so hard that used to give me flu. U were very awkward, very unusual but I loved all of it. You were imperfect, stubborn at times we fought and you effectively let others influenced you. Regardless of every one of your flaws, despite everything I believed you were the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes at. I understand the mistakes from my end and I know I can’t fix the past. You taught me alot about myself. I improved as a man because of you. You let me act naturally. I’m more joyful, more substance because of you. Furthermore, I’m sorry for saying things I never meant.Though, at times we felt like we were strong as steel and nothing was able to divide us, we were delicate. “I love you”, “I’m so glad to have you in my life”, “I don’t know what I would do without you” appeared to be another brick of wall between us and the people. I was not sure u’d be the person to tear it down. It’s alright, however. We had our moments, our sparks and I would not take anything on the world for it. For your reasons, you saw it best for me not to be a part of your future. I could not have given you the world but I swear I would’ve made you to feel like the person in it. Our destiny came at an end before my love did, but I need you to realize that I am forever thankful to you for giving me a great time of my life. The ways by which we thought things were never diff. Regardless of how hard you convinced yourself, at some level you likewise know that we have wanted same things from life and we wanted similar things from eachother. Our thoughts and opinions were never different on the broader issues that concerned us. Our approaches may differ yet our dreams, goals and intentions never were epecially intentions are the only things that mattered in the end of the day. Actions can be sometimes misleading but intentions can never be. I have always strongly believed that no match is perfection. It’s all in your mind. But it was you who I wanted to be with, and the one in whom I saw my reflection.I guess this could be my last bye but cannot promise if I fell weak at some time. I shall be moving and following my destiny also. I will always remember the way you made my heart to feel for the very little time you loved me. I lived while you loved me. I need to do what’s best for me now. I need and must let you go. Never let your memory of me die. If Allah decided to take me from this life at any point in life, know in your heart that you were always loved with everything I had and everyting in my being. If there is something I regret about losing u, its the thought that I lost my greatest friend I ever had in my life. I might’ve done stupid things that could have harmed you, yet you have harmed me severely also. So much has been destroyed in so much little time so I learned something else also, it takes years and years to form a bond but takes a minute to rip it apart. Thanks for all the laughters as we shared together. I miss a lot of our time that was spent today. I even miss our fights that would make you upset and then I would have to make it upto you by my own weird ways. Moreover, I miss our constant debates how I loved Indian songs and pretended I dont. Also thank you for letting me be with someone who was much better than I was. You were my main support and who I invested alot of time and energy with. When you said you were leaving, I lost the most important person in my life. One second you were there and the following second you were no more. My phone didn’t ring almost by all means. I ended up with so much free time that I had no clue what to do with. We spent so much time with eachother and with a minute it was all gone. All I was left with was this big hole in my heart, despite everything I don’t know how to fill it. I miss you. I miss your voice that was so powerful and effective, yet kind. I miss your hair that would be all over the place, my car, my shirt everywhere. I miss holding it and cuddling you up during when we would rest. I miss having you next me. I miss your personality, your minding nature, and your openess.  You got me to open up to you about all aspects of my life. I shared so much with you. I know I had a great deal of good and bad times, particularly more downs, however you always supported me through everything, my depression, my stress and my loniness. Through hearing about all my past and all the things I have done in it. But then, you were not happy particularly in the most recent years. I should’be known. I wish I’d known exactly how unhappy you were with me. I know you were struggling with your stress and anxiety as well and I should have supported you as you did to me, however you never opened up to me the same way as I did to you. I didn’t realize that my struggles were so harming to your life and our relationship. I wish I could tell you all of this on your face. however I truly hope u’ve a great 2018 and a wonderful life, Zohra. You put such huge positivity to my life and I’m glad to have had you in it for 4 years of my life. Wherever you go, whatever you do, I wish you the best. This all happened in such an unfortunate time I wasn’t ready for any of this and also I’m sorry it happened. Now that you have made your decision and got your admission, unfortunately there is nothing I can do in my power to stop you. I can only wish you a goodluck that’s the only power I’m left with. It’s time I should find love in some other place. I think I should be able to love fearlessly and deeply. I can’t be the kind of man that could be easily manipulated, disrespected and twisted. I must prove you all wrong one with my abilities one day. Sometimes the biggest revenge is to smile and move on. Always, always remember, don’t ever forget that someone loved you more than the world but the situation forced him to give up today. Maybe you will never comprehend my position now. I just strongly hope there shouldn’t be a time in ur life when u’ll feel as dejected as I felt over the last weeks. It’s the most miserable feeling ever and I wouldn’t that for you. Every moment, u get torn apart into shreads within yourself from inside. I just have one small regret that it was me who paid the price for being honest and that I parted ways with a girl who I wanted to spent my life with. I will always admire you for loving me in my darkest times. If fate ever wanted us to meet again in life, I’d be outside your door with upsize McCrispy along with coke. I just felt like putting my feelings in into a letter as there were no other means I could express them. But the letter wasn’t enough to have them described. Hope you read it. All the best.To someone who was once mine.Ibrahim Mukhtar18/01/2018